Broken Hearts and Shattered Dreams
by CheerDance14
Summary: Lily thinks she has it all together, and she does. She's got the awesome friends, the perfect parents and a gorge boy who is mad about her, but will she be able to hold it all together when her world starts falling apart?
1. The Fiasco

_**Dear reader,**_

_**Hello and welcome. I officially started to hate write this story so I changed it up a bit. I hope you enjoy and feel free to review and tell me what you think. I do not own many of these wonderful characters, quite obviously and will never own them, but I will play with them for now. Thanks for reading :)**_

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**Chapter One - The Fiasco**

"-And remember that assignment on human-animal transfiguration is due Wednesday. You best be working hard on it. What was that Mr. Black! Get back here!" Professor McGonagall shouted as the end of the final class of the first day of term ended.

"Liles, stop with the whole speed walking thing. It's not a race out of here." The happy voice of my best friend called after me, reminding me of my abnormally quick speed as I exited the classroom I despised the most. "I know you hate Transfiguration, but I thought I was on the pro's list of Hogwarts. You know along with the Thursday pasta nights and your chum Jamesie."

Though she was still walking up to me and I was not facing her, I could hear the smile in her voice. Pem is my best friend, or at least one of them. She is the so called troublemaker of our crew. She was always making a fool of herself, but somehow she still managed to be loved by the gentlemen of Hogwarts. It's strange, the mind of males. It truly is, but in this case, unless you know her, it makes perfect sense.

Pemberly McIntosh comes from one of the most prodigious pureblood families in England. Her father, Ralph is the co-head of the auror department in the Ministry and her mother is the chief healer at St. Mungo's. Pem is a carefree chick, never seen with any magical beauty enhancements or never the proud owner of Stick-Eze hair potion. Somehow, she still manages to look quite fetching. Though she may be as dim as a box of hammers, she is a wiz at quidditch too.

"Oh bugger off. Potter is nothing compared to Pasta Thursdays. Not close. Do not fluff his ego you little witch." I stated as I whipped my head to face her, my eyes squinted into what I hoped looked like an angry glare.

"Sure Liles. It's not like you want to cop off with him, Right?" Pem smirked at me as my eyes widened. My mind was racing with split second memories, mostly of Potter doing something stupid and then me screaming at him. And then those two on the train... Oh bugger fucking shite.

"Well, you ah, I mean –he is just so, er well and rude. Oh shut up Miss I-would give-my-right-arm-and-left-hand-to-have-Sirius-Black-between-the-sheets. Don't even get me started lady, because I have some serious shite on your too."I couldn't help it. It's not like I could possibly say anything bad about Jame- er, um, Potter. He's done me no wrong. Well, at least he hasn't thus far in the past couple of days. "What do you know about me and J-er, I mean Potter. I haven't told you anything. Not that there is anything to say, that is."

"Oh sweet Lilykins, How naive you truly are. I see why my fine amigo J- I mean Potter is all infatuated with you. You know my pop, correct?" She asked, a tad bit to innocently. Sweet Merlin, I know Ralph. What was it that Tuny's American friend called fathers like Ralph? Oh right, DILF's. Plus, he has my dream job, one word. Auror. Hell yes I know Raph. Instead of stated my unrequited love for Pem's happily married father, I simply nodded. "Well he works with a certain Mr. Harry C. Potter, father of none other than J- er, I mean Potter. Mr. Potter is the co-head of the auror department with my pop. Anywho, James's fam moved into that absolutely gorge house next door, you know the one with that window. We've had a few chats this past summer, mostly involving you. It seems Sirius is sick of hearing about your luscious strands of hair or the seventh freckle from your nose on the right. That's a particular fav from Jamesis."

"Lovely. Well I don't think I care at this moment. I actually have to work on that T-fig assignment so I will be at my cubicle if you have any desire to speak to me. I'll meet you for supper in a couple hours if you want to wait. Ta for now Pem." I quickly exit the conversation before I say something about something I may or may not regret. I don't really know yet. It's not like I haven't had the summer to decide. I actually did choose to regret the whole train fiasco but the train fiasco part 2 happened yesterday and now I'm all confused and my mates will be a load of rubbish if I ask them to help.

Doesn't matter now though, I have homework. Now what in the bloody hell do I know about T-fig? Oh right, nothing. Shite.

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**Two Hours Later**

I'm am two feet into my T-fig assignment and am swimming in a pool of bullshit. I will just wrap it up now and head off to dinner. I don't have the energy to embarrass myself with my lack of knowledge in the area that is Transfigurations. Concluding paragraph, and viola, first project of this year is all finished. Now I need some turkey please and thanks.

With my human-animal assignment all dried and ready to go, I rolled it put it in my bag and headed off to the Great Hall for a bit of food. My walk was silent seeing as most people were already inside eating. The closer I got to the door of the Great Hall, the louder the voices of the many students got. When I finally entered and caught the whiff of food, I quickly scanned the Gryffindor table for four best mates. They were sitting altogether with an empty seat for me. I quickly speed walked over to them and plopped down beside Jaelle and immediately commenced operation Feed Lily. It wasn't until I heard a slight cough to my right that I noticed that the seating was just to good to be true.

James bloody Potter and his posse of troublemaking hooligans were all starring at me as I shovelled food into my mouth. This is the first time I have ever came close to sitting near the four boys at any sort of dinner function and I could tell by the look in their eyes, that they assumed that I eat like a normal girl but they were sadly mistaken. I, in fact, eat like a boy. My constant hunger is never quenchable, hence I always eat each meal as if I was I starving African child.

I could tell the four boys were flabbergasted by my disgusting eating habits. I was surprised to hear the reaction of one Sirius Black.

"EV-ANS! Prongs always said you and I would get along. I guess he was right!" The boys all laughed and I could help but put forth a small giggle between swallowing the chicken I had lodged in my mouth. I cocked my head in the direction of James to see his reaction and was surprised to see the same amusement in his eyes as his other friends.

"Don't worry boys, you get used to Lily's manliness. It's quite endearing,m don't ya think?" Marlene, another best mate of mine commented. Marlie is not all feelings and crap like most girls. She's a no bull kind of lady with the mouth of a sailor. She mostly hangs with the lads in our house but since first year, we've all shared a dorm and she was forced to fall in love with us all. She is quite gorge if you ask me and all the male quidditch lovers too. Like her cousin James, she has black hair and it is a cropped inverted bob. Mar loves her hair short. She has warm ocean blue eyes that can comfort just about anybody. She's quite the thinker too. Always there to help me with my problems when she's not off with one of her broom, or in the T-fig room doing extra work with her cousin. I guess Transfigurations genius is a gene in that family. They are always with McG, doing some tutoring. She's a genius I swear.

"Yeah I can see that," James muttered in what I was assuming was a sarcastic tone to match that of Marlie. Then strange thing thought was that the bloke was starring me straight in the face quite the serious expression, quite like that one on the train... is he for real. As I take hold of the chicken leg on my plate and take a large bite out of it, his expression changes, which is what I would expect, since I was eating like a barbarian, but what it changed to was quite the surprise. The serious face turned into one of, get this, affection. Did he think the tiny bits of chicken stuck to the sides of my mouth were cute? Well, he is a crazy guy.

"Well, I have that thing in the place by the tower you know with all of you except Lily and Potter. Come on guys." Sabrea said quite urgently after the crazy expression change. She knew what I knew. He needed to go to the hospital wing and get his head checked. Once they leave, I will tell him that. Sabrea was always the one to notice the little things like that. She, like all the rest of my mates excluding me, was jawdroppingly gorge. She had hair the shade of brown and it was thick and perfectly curled all the time. Surprisingly, it was natural too. The most annoying thing about my mates was that they were constantly pretty without any effort. The kind of girls you hate to wake up with in the morning because they make your bedhed hair and baggy eyes look even worse because it never happens to them. Sabrea was the one that we all vent to. She listened to all of our bull and then somehow finds something for us to do to fix it. She's quite the perfect girl, and like Marlie, she's quite the genius at everything. She's pretty much me and Marlie combined in the brains department. God I hate for perfect little friends.

"Oh we I can't make it to the place by the tower because I have to meet up with Dan." Jaelle said lustily. I hate to be the one to say it because I adore her and all but she is quite the little slag. I swear last night she was raving about Bobby Anders from Ravenclaw and his snogging abilities, now it's Dan No-last –name. Tomorrow it will be someone new. Slag. I mean it. She's a good mate though. She is quite the pretty girl with straight brown hair and deep golden brown eyes but she hates them both. She's big on the hair dye and eye colour charms. She says boys love blonds so she gave herself platinum blond hair and electric blue eyes. I don't care but I think she's prettier without all the makeup and products she uses.

"Fine, but come with us. I need to have a word with you anyway. Bye Lil, James." Pem said quickly as she pulled a grumbling Sirius along with her. I didn't have to see her face to know that she was happy to be touching him, with or without his consent. I found the whole situation kind of funny, you know until I clued in that this meant I had figure the whole train thing out soon, and by soon I mean now.

"So, Dumbledore is a cook, I mean the whole Head Boy business is quite funny, isn't it?" James forced out quickly, hoping to start conversation. Yes, I would have to agree that Dumbledore has his moments in which his thoughts instil fear in me, but for some reason, the whole head business was not one of them. James may be a irresponsible hooligan but he does he has the second best marks in our year, but then again that whole system is flawed because I have top marks and they is obviously wrong. After a bit of thoughts, I would have to admit that James Potter will make a wonderful Head Boy as long as he isn't pranking someone or bullying someone else.

"Well he must be if he thought I could do this job. I mean come on. Sabrea is brill, she'd knock the whole Head Girl business out of the park." I stated, for the first time saying my honest feelings on receiving my badge. James looked up from his pudding dessert with wide eyes and laughed. HE LAUGHED. I tell the boy how I feel and he LAUGHS AT ME! I am outraged.

"Sorry Evans but really? Don't get me wrong Sabrea is quite brill, sure, but you're born for the power of Head Girl. You love the rules, you now get to enforce them. I love to break them. It just doesn't make sense and you know it. I'm rubbish at everything I do. This shall be no exception." James threw his spoon down on the table and kept his gaze down as I just starred. Seriously!

"James. You would make a bloody fabulous Head Boy. You know all the tricks. You know the hiding spots. When we patrol, you'll know where to look for the rule breakers." I knew it was coming. I knew I was going to regret what I said next, and trust me, I did, but I will never be able to control my word vomit. "Plus, you're not rubbish at everything. Those two snogs we've had so far were quite fab if you ask me."


	2. The Flashback

**_Hello again. Hope you liked the first little bit. This chapter is kinda boring to me but feel free to tell what you think. I don't own anything, blah blah blah. Happy reading_**.

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**_Previously_** ...

"Plus, you're not rubbish at everything. Those two snogs we've had so far were quite fab if you ask me."

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**_Chapter 2 - The Flashback_**

For a good 6.34 seconds, James David Mitchell Herman Potter and I sat in utter and complete silence. Can you say awkward? Well believe me, I can. I didn't know if I should run away which was highly likely to happen quite soon or if I should say something stupid like 'psyche'. The worst thing was that James was completely blank. He always was full of something: excitement, nerves, joy, utter bullshit. But not right now. Today, his lovely eyes were void of any semblance of emotion and that terrified me.

I always thought, you know when I thought about the snog fiasco 1 and 2, that I was the one not so 100% overjoyed. I thought I was the dazed and confused one. I thought he was going to be some cocky bastard about the whole deal. In the seconds following the word vomit, I thought maybe he would say something to make me want to hex him but he just sat and stared.

Then, there was sound. Oh wait, that's me. As thought I have absolutely no control of my mouth, I started muttering something along the lines of 'bloody word vomit, er sorry about that. Ah yeah, um, uh huh.' If I was under the impression that further embarrassment was impossible, I was sadly mistaken. After the muttering, I stood quickly and tried to get out of my seat to walk out the doors and to rave to my mates about my stupidity through fits of tears. Unfortunately I have about the grace and elegance of a three month old child. My feet got caught on something that was connected to my chair and I feel. My body was already half turned so my back did a gross cracking sound and I made an ugly face as my stomach dropped and I hit the floor.

"Oh bloody fucking Merlin. Lily, oh bugger, bugger, bugger fucking bloody shite. Lily, are you okay? I mean I didn't, er I would've. Ah sorry." James half muttered as he assisted me off the floor. I swiftly brushed some dirt off of my robes and finished the rest of my graceful exit. It was quite spectacular really. The way I crashed into practically everything in my path and then walked straight into ruddy door was just really awe inspiring. No need to cry to my mates, this little nook will do.

I was never emotion before that stupid boy kissed the cold heartedness out of me. I hate him for making me, well nice. I hate him for all those pranks he's pulled in the past, well er, uh six years. Yeah, all those mean things he's said to Severus Snape after Snape called me a -. Well maybe I only kinda hate him for that one. I hate him for disorienting me. I hate him for not caring that he kissed me. Twice. But, I don't care or anything.

It all started last year, after the train ride after sixth year.

"_Lily, I promise I will write you from Arabia. I'll seven send you something I swear. Enjoy your hols, chica!" Pem screamed across the platform, her bags in hand as Ralph dragged her from the station. She was my final girl to say good bye to as we all departed on our holiday adventures. Pemberly was traveling to Arabia, Sabrea and her family were off to Egypt for their annual family reunion. They always met up some place crazy like that. Last year they were in New Zealand. Jaelle spent her summer at her cousin's home in Argentina, apparently with some bloke she met through a friend. Marlie, an orphan since mid sixth year when her muggle parents mysteriously disappeared, spent her summer traveling across North America with her sister, Marian. Marian, who graduated Hogwarts two years previous, was a successful freelance writer in Canada for their magical community's paper. _

_All of my friends had awesome plans, jetting off across the world with their family, but I was stuck with my parents in Surrey, just like every other year. I had yet to search for my family, knowing they, without my constant annoying, they would likely be an hour late or so. After a quick glance at my watch, I noticed that I had about twenty minutes to kill before Dad woke up from his mid day nap. _

_Out of the corner of my eye, I could see the frantic movements of what seemed like three alarmingly good looking boys. I could faintly hear their joyful mumblings. I knew without looking that it was three quarters of the Marauders. Peter, who stuck out like a sore thumb with his awkward comments and ghastly appearance must have taken off quickly, which left Remus Lupin, Sirius Black, and James Potter. Now with my full attention focused on them, I could hear Sirius joking with his two best mates about some girl he was desperate to get with over the holidays. I didn't catch her name but he said something involving slag, blonde and easy as hell. Really, it could have been anyone._

_After this comment, he rushed off to find his Ms. Right Now and Remus spotted his relatives and with a quick good bye, see you later, to James, he too departed. Now James and I were both alone. _

"_Lily, you can stop eavesdropping now. If you wanted to know what we were talking about, you could have just asked." James grinned at me as he turned in my direction as he sauntered over. Last year, that walk annoyed the hell out of me. Some things never change. Or so I thought. He grinned softly at me, biting the inside of the corner of his lip and quickly running his finger through his hair. They must be his nervous habits. The bloke must always be nervous because whenever I look at him, he is performing one of those two movements._

"_Er, I wasn't eavesdropping. I was just standing her, casually listening to your conversation because my friends have all left." I stated, in an attempt to be nonchalant. In truth, I was eavesdropping but, I normally wouldn't have. You know, if I had something else to do. _

"_No problems. I don't mind. You waiting for your family too? Me and Sirius are staying at my house. My mum and dad said they would be late. They always are. It's kinda funny really. Anyways, where is your family?" James rushed out quickly, barely catching a breath between all those sentences. I let out a laugh but said that I was in the same boat as him._

_And then it happened. _

"_Hey Lily, I was wondering if I could talk to you for a sec in a more private area? Is that okay?" James asked as she literally dragged me into a tiny secluded hallway. He somehow managed to pull both of our trolley along with him. "Okay, this is much better. Look, I know we got off on a bad foot for the past five years, well now six. I know you're not my biggest fan but I just wanted to let you know that if you ever-"_

_He stopped suddenly. _

"_Oh bugger fucking shite." Really his cursing catchphrase still hasn't changed then it really happened. _

_He kissed me. _

_He simply placed his lips on my softly, almost like fluttering butterflies. He didn't seem to know if I would hit him or pull away. He was testing the water. After a couple of moments without any reaction from me, neither positive nor negative, he took it a step farther. He wrapped one arm around my waist, making me feel like I was a tiny doll, fragile and breakable in his quidditch-toned arms. His other arm found its way to the back of my neck, holding my head gently in a comfortable place. It was then that I realized just how much he had grown this year. He was a good six or seven inches taller than I. This must be quite uncomfortable for him, I remember thinking._

_Because of this, I wrapped my stick-like arms around his neck, and raised myself to my tip toes to allow for a more comfortable snog on his end. By now, I had responded to his gentle kiss with a bit of a frantic song attack. He was by no means a newbie to the kissing thing. He was more or less quite a pro at it. All I remember thinking as his tongue gently brushed against my lips was that this was it. I would now have to date him. How could I kiss another guy without comparing him to this. It was bloody fantastic. I complied with James' request of entrance and welcomed his pressure he was now apply on my mouth. I was now backed up to the wall and at eye level with him, as he had lifted my up for easier access. _

_I knew we had been at this for at least good ten or fifteen minutes and I knew that my parents would be here soon so I thought it would be a good idea to break the kiss to maybe catch a breath before I departed from this god of the snog. I remember pushing against his warm, muscular chest and then he broke the kiss immediately. I was looking into his eyes for practically the first time and what at first impression, I thought was plain brown, was so much more. Around the pupil, there was a thin ring of light brown, the rest whoever was a beautiful honey colour with flecks of green and light brown. All I could think was wow._

"_Wow" He whispered into my hair now that he has dropped to my feet. He took the words straight out of my mouth. Both of us were short of breath and looked a tad disoriented._

"_That just made my day. Thanks Potter." I said softly, suddenly finding an interest in the tiny scuff mark Jaelle made on my shoe as we entered the train. _

"_Bloody hell Lily. Screw my day, that just made my life." _

_With both of our families calling for us, we quickly departed and from that moment on, I became a closet Potterite (annoying Potter obsessed females and select males). For the entire month of July, I sat by my window waiting for some letter from a certain snogging partner of mine. All I got were letters from the girls. By August I was in denial about James, the boy who had been obsessed with me for two years, falling out of love with me. I came up with stupid stories about he and Sirius off fighting crime and poor James was stranded owlless. _

_It was when Pem sent the letter on August 4__th__, that I lost it. It went something like this. Dear Lilikins. I'm home, new neighboors, Potters with Sirius, quidditch, quidditch, boys, Sirius. I've talked to James, and it's crazy, he has finally stopped saying your name in every sentence he speaks. I've had a record seventeen conversations with him and never has he mentioned your name in relation to marriage or dating. In fact we haven't even talked about you. How crazy is that? Blah, blah, Sirius, love. Love Pem._

_All my previous dreams were crushed. No dates, no marriage, nothing. What a fricking jerk, so when Mum invited me to some friend's party, I decided to get all dolled up in hopes that somehow James Potter's Lily radar would go off and he would come to this party and sweep me off my feet. Instead my love time summer crush decided it was an opportune time to speak to me for the first time in practically forever._

_Daniel Featherstone was the boy I always wanted to date. He was exactly what I girl like me should want. He had perfectly cut hair, not a strand out of place. He was quite in the intellectual and looked down on the puny minded athletes of the world. Really, he was absolutely fab. By the end of the night, I was completely high off Daniel attention and we were alone on the basement couch, without anyone in the room. _

_It was in that moment that he fulfilled my long time dream. He kissed me. It was fine, and had I been fifteen, I would have died of joy. Had he been James Potter I would have been even more overjoyed because this snog session that wouldn't end was nothing compared to the James-Lily Train Station Affair. I felt like I was drowning as he got on top of me. He was practically eating my face in a completely unattractive way. What I thought was an okay snog soon turned into a disaster when his hands started to travel to places no man's hands should travel without the consent of one Lily Evans. His mouth traveled too, to my neck. I felt his suction cup lips sucking on my neck like he was a flipping vampire. _

_After much effort, I pushed the very inexperienced Daniel Featherstone off of me and I ran all the way home. Mind you it was a short journey next door, but I really ran. I swear that Olympic scouts were quite impressed by my run in the four inch pumped on my feet. Quite impressed I say. _

_From that night on, I knew that nothing could compare to James Potter when it came to snogs. I also knew that James Potter did not want to be with me. I knew I would for the rest of my life have to settle on a less than perfect man. _

Now, here I sit, in a tiny cranny of the hallway outside of the great hall, feeling like a complete loser. That is until I hear the voice of one James 'I-love-breaking-the-heart-of-Lily-Evans'. This surprised me because I thought he was alone after I left him, but from for genius thinking, I deducted that James was talking to himself.

"I'm a bloody wanker, am I not?" _Can't really deny that one_. "I mean, she said it. I should have said something, made her feel a bit better about the whole thing." _Yeah, that would have been kind of nice Mr. Potter._ "I mean, it's not like something's gonna come from it." _What? Potter, please explain_. "The woman practically spits on me as I enter a room" _Well, that has more to do with the whole ignoring me plan._ "She's hated me since I told her that her hair was on fire." _That is totally not true. I stopped after you kissed me_. "I'm over thinking about Lily Evans."

Oh baby Jesus.

Now it's on.

I could no longer hear what specifically his rambling were now about, so I decided to head off in the opposite direction of the boy who enjoys shattering my hear over and over again. Prat.

Half way through my journey, I discover that my feet are taking me on a path to the library. It was the perfect spot to escape Potter. He may be smart, but that is sheer luck and what he does learn is due to some prank. Plus, I had to brainstorm a topic for my potions essay. Did I just kill two birds with one stone? Nope, I demolished them.

I quickly found my usual spot at the private cubicle next to the charms section. Out of my bag, which I always seem to carry with me wherever I go, I grab some parchment, a quill and my Potions textbook. As I opened it, I realised that I knew what I should write about, not that Slughorn would care. I am his favourite, but because of certain Potter related situations, an ode to my hatred for love was in order.

"Why not to fall in love- a thorough analysis on the dangers of love potions." I mumbled aloud. God am I good or what. A short hour later, my paper is nice and pretty, all spellchecked and dried with one week to spare. Now that I had all my homework finished, I had no choice but to head off to the common room and pray to any or all Gods that James Bloody Potter was not there.

When I finally made it to the Gryffindor common room, I practically sprinted halfway across the room when I strong hand catch my arm and forced me to him. During my run, the faces around me were a blur, so I didn't know exactly who was practically molesting my upper arm. Finally, the pushed me into an open armchair in front of the fire and I looked up into the perfectly crafted face of Sirius Black.

His hair was almost shoulder-length and fell in gentle untidy curls, only leaving one eye uncovered. Looking at him now, I could kind of see what most of the female population saw in him. He somehow made the average Hogwarts uniform look like haute couture. He mouth was in its usual position, what the girls and I called his fallback face, a smirk.

"Ms. Evans, it seems as though you are the one I need to see about some assistance in the Charms department?" He stated suavely, plopping down on the armrest, looking down on me with arms crossed over his chest.

"Ah, no clue. I am quite good at it if I do say so myself but what are you having trouble with?" I knew that I didn't want to help him. I knew that he didn't want to be helped by me. But I asked anyways.

"The whole charms unit to be precise." Smirk never leaving his face, but the light left his eyes for a split second. Oh shit.

"I could set you up with a tutor if you'd like? I'm sure Remus or Potter would be happy to help. They would do a stand up job. Plus, they're your friends." I knew I sounded desperate, but for God's sake I am. The whole world knows Sirius Black is not a charms guru by any means but he's okay at it. The big roadblock for me is the whole Sirius Black and me not being friends thing.

"Remus is already tutoring Kiley McCollum and James a very bad teacher. You don't need to tutor me per say, maybe just a few quick pointers. Tomorrow in the Library at say, seven? Sure thanks Evans. Your the best."

Oh hey life, what's up. Oh yeah, by the way, stop fucking up on me.


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